Make a Difference

I have always had a place in my heart for others.  It has typically been filled with thoughts and compassion for the homeless and young children and for most of my life that is all it has been, a thought.  I seem to always have an excuse as to why I can’t do something for those that I know have less than I do.  While my heart and mind might be on them it really doesn’t do much good if I don’t go.  Now I realize that I don’t have to get up and feed all the homeless or provide a teddy bear to every little child in need, but sitting on my butt sure isn’t doing anything for ‘em.

Well, last week I finally got up and did something.  Our church has a ministry where they provide for the homeless.  The first thing they do is take a few of the church vans out and pick up those in need and bring them to the church.  They then provide breakfast, clean clothes and showers to those who want them.  It is amazing to see all of this in action.  The hard part of me is the getting up in the morning.  Things start at 7 a.m. and that means I have to leave the house at about 6:30 a.m.  This is not easy but then when you are getting out there to help others it’s not about you and your needs.

I spent about 3.5 hours working in the men’s shower section last weekend (7 Nov).  My job was to hand out towels, hygiene kits, and a pair of new underwear to everyone who asked.  These are all things that I know I take for granted each and every day.  Things that when I find myself in the need for more I simply do a load of laundry or run up to the store and buy more.  These men and women, and sometimes children, don’t have that luxury and I’m glad I was able to get out there and provide my time to each and every one of ‘em.

We were not as busy as I hear they normally are and I also learned that the third Saturday of the month is usually the busiest week, because by then more folks are out of money because the checks they got at the first of the month are gone.  See the church does this on the first and third Saturday of each month and it is my goal to get up there as often as possible.  I am not writing this to tell everyone how I did such a good job getting up and getting out there to help others.  I am writing this to ask those that know me to hold me accountable and to ask me when I last volunteered and it went.  I also want to challenge you to get out there and make a difference.  Many of us have it pretty good.  We may not think so, but if we stop and look at all the “stuff” we have we begin to realize just how good we really to have it.

Get out there and make a difference!  God is good!

Saved by the blood,

Donovan

Health Update

Well, I have a few ideas to blog about and while I want to pound them all out right now I think it would be too much for one post.  So, I may write them all now and spread them out over a few posts and just put them out here over the next few days.

The first one I think is going to be a bit of a health update.  Things are going well.  I still have numb toes, but there is about 50% feeling.  Some is better than none I guess, right?  I still get the achy feeling in my bones after a long day and my joints scream at me as well.  Today is one of those rather odd days here in AZ, it is rainy and “chilly” (that is if you can really call 65 degrees chilly.)  I have that arthritis ache during weather like this and I hate it.  It is one of those pains that just don’t go away and your mind just keeps coming back to it.  Something I get to live with forever so I guess I will learn to deal.

On another good note I stopped taking the Morphine and I did it “cold turkey”.  While that was not the easiest thing to do I did have a little help.  I didn’t just stop taking pain meds all together and I’m not sure how much better the new med is for me.  I am now on Tramadol.  When I take one pill it takes care of mild pains, but when things get pretty uncomfortable I take two, and that is how the script is written, take 1 or 2 as needed.  When I take two I get a “funny” feeling in my head, in fact I am feeling it at this very moment, so I hope this post makes sense.

I still have a rougher time in the morning and if I have a long day I am beat early in the evening.  I do still find myself getting quite winded when going up step, however it doesn’t really hit until I get to the top and all the sudden I find myself needing to take a seat for a minute or two.  But other than that things are going rather well.  I am a lot further along than I thought I would be at this point.  It was 10.5 months ago that I was lying in a hospital bed, paralyzed and not knowing what was happening to me, and today if you looked at me you would never know.

God is good!

Saved by the blood,

Donovan

Miss read

So, the Air1 verse of the day yesterday was Proverbs 26:20 and I read it as follows:

 Fire goes out without wood, and squirrels disappear when gossip stops.

 Please understand I did this like six times and I finally had to put my curser on the screen because this just couldn’t be correct.  I finally read it correctly and it was quarrels, not squirrels.  That makes so much more sence….

Enough is Enough

I can do everything through him who gives me strength. Philippians 4:13

It has been 8 months since I got out of the hospital and there are pains that are still hanging around and a few medications that are ingested daily to help reduce the discomfort I feel.  Up until yesterday one of those meds was Morphine, which has lived in my pocket, so it was never more than an arms reach away, for the last 8 months.  Well yesterday I decided that I have had enough.  I have reduced my intake to as little as I could possibly take and finally decided that enough was enough.

Today has been uncomfortable.  My feet, legs, hands and arms all have a stinging/burning type pain that seems to want to stay around.  My bones ache a bit as well and while the Morphine helps with these pains I simply don’t want to keep putting it in my body, it can’t be good for me.  These pains are not so bad that I can’t survive with them, however they are rather distracting.  I pray that I don’t give in to the discomfort, but as I type this the feeling grows stronger.  I know in my mind that by taking a simple little half a pill my pains will go and I can continue on with live a little more comfortably.

I realize I may feel this way for the rest of my life, but I continue to remind myself it has only been 8 months since I was paralyzed, laying in a hospital bed able to do much of nothing for myself.  While in some situations 8 months seems like forever, in reality it really is a very short time.  Please pray that I will find the strength to continue on with little to no pain and that the healing will continue as the days go by…

Saved by the blood,
Donovan

Short Update

As usual it has been forever since writing anything out here. I have been both busy and exhausted. My days have been full and my nights have been a time of me not doing much of anything. Things have been picking up at work and I have been out of the office spending more and more time out at client’s offices. While this is a good thing as far as work goes it makes for a long day for me. While I am out and about it’s really not all that bad, however when I stop moving and I’m in the comfort of my own home everything catches up to me. I just spent four days out of town on a business trip and while I did my best to take it easy I came back with some really good back pain. I have a feeling that most of my issues came from carrying my backpack on my right shoulder so much and because I have such loose connective tissue everything kind of shifted out of place and not everything has moved back where it belongs. I have done my best to get up and move about over the weekend, but no matter what it still hurts, but the cool thing is, I will survive.

Well, this post is not full of wisdom, great revelations or any powerful words, but then none of my posts ever are. I just wanted to give a quick update and will do my best to add more in the next few days.

Thanks for stopping by…

Saved by the blood,
Donovan

Faith

And a woman was there who had been subject to bleeding for twelve years. She had suffered a great deal under the care of many doctors and had spent all she had, yet instead of getting better she grew worse. When she heard about Jesus, she came up behind him in the crowd and touched his cloak, because she thought, “If I just touch his clothes, I will be healed.” Immediately her bleeding stopped and she felt in her body that she was freed from her suffering. Mark 5:25-29 (NIV)

How is it that a woman who had been sick for so long could have such faith? Was it because she could actually see Jesus? Did that really make the difference? Was it like so many say, “seeing is believing?” Why is my faith not this strong? I try so hard to reach out and touch the robes of Jesus, but it seems that as I make contact I begin to question both my motives and beliefs. Why do I want healing, for either myself or others? Do I really believe that reaching out and simply asking for healing is going to accomplish anything? This is where the battle begins. I tell myself “Yes, I do!” Then I ask “Really, how could such a thing be true?” God is bigger than any of us can ever imagine, ever wrap our heads around, and this is where I have so much trouble. I base so much of my life on logic and problem solving and to say is crudely the idea of God is neither logical nor a problem to be solved. He simply is. (Exodus 3:14)

I am a child of the one true King! I believe that with all my heart, and even as I say that I question myself. I am working on this and as I spend more time in the Word I know my faith will grow.

Saved by the blood,
Donovan

Taking Photos Again

I was finally able to do something I wasn’t sure I would ever do again. I got out my camera and took pictures of some friends. This was a fear I had lying in my hospital bed back in January. As I laid there, unable to barely move a muscle, I wondered first if I would ever walk again and second would I be able to continue with my hobby. I enjoy taking pictures of anything and everything. I have not been nearly as active as I would like, but I have done a little bit of work in the last year and I did the SOFOBOMO project a couple months ago, but that is a lot different than taking pics of people. More often than not, when you are taking picture of people there is a reason, to catch a moment in time. This moment is often a special moment and I don’t want to be responsible for a failed attempt at doing so. This is the main reason I have not attempted a wedding. Much of my work has been family photos, monthly shot of babies and senior pics. In all of these cases I have the time to snap the shot, look at the image on the back of the camera and determine if I need to take another attempt. This is not something you really have time to do at a wedding. You don’t often hear, “Um yeah, could you please do that first kiss as husband and wife again? I was blinking and missed the shot.”

With that being said, yesterday I attempted something I had not done in the past. I took maternity shots of one of our friends. If I am not mistaken she is only a few weeks from delivery, which means we don’t have much time for multiple attempts. I did a little research in an effort to finding different posses to twist and tangle the mother to be into, but when the time came I drew a blank. There before me stood a very pregnant mommy, a proud daddy and a beautiful little two year old and we just kinda looked at each other. I have never been a fan of posed shots, something always seems so, well I guess posed. I guess this I why I love taking pictures of little kids. They don’t really sit still and you are able to capture them the way they truly are, sometime happy little bundles of energy and sometimes sad little frustrated creatures. I find myself laying on the floor and chasing them around just so I can be there to catch that one special look. I have such a blast doing it an I must say yesterday there was a time when I forgot about the pain and some of my inabilities as I chased an energetic two year old around my living room. Could life get much better?

I must admit that looking at the little two inch screen on the back of the camera I thought I had some really good shots, and after I downloaded them to my PC I was not as excited. Things were not as crisp and clear as I thought, however after a small amount of editing, simple exposure and contrast type corrections I must say I was rather pleased. Please take a moment to check out a few of the results.

Oh, and thank you Steph for letting me take the pics!

Saved by the blood,
Donovan

Struggle

Wow! Really has been awhile since I have had the energy to sit down and write something.  I have sat down many times with the intention of writing a post and just could not find the strength to type it out.  The strength I speak of is not a physical one, but mental.  First let me say that health wise I am doing okay.  The aorta is not as bad as we first thought which means that for now my chest will remain in one piece and no artificial parts will be added to my insides.  I have another echocardiogram in a little more than a week and a stress test a couple days after that.  The cardiologist wants to be there for each test to ensure everything is done correctly.  These tests will be used as a baseline for future tests, so all the more reason for accurate results.  I am still taking it easy for the most part anyway.

We are still trying to get settled in the new house.  While this is the house I plan to live in until I no longer need one, I would like it if I did not have to do it out of boxes.  But as I said in the beginning of this post, the energy is just not there.  We have been having issues again with our 12 yr old bi-polar son and it is draining everyone in the house, including the other two children.  Last week he spent a few days at the only behavior health center here in Phoenix for his age.  In the three weeks of school he has been in class maybe 5 days total.  I must say that the school has been a great help and done as much as they can do, but it is hard on everyone involved.  We are all at the point that we simply want to throw our hands up and say, “I’m done!”  But this is a 12 yr old child, how can one do that.  But then you stop and think about the verbal and mental onslaught each and every day and some days multiple times a day.  It isn’t fair for anyone involved, including him. 

My loving wife is taking it the hardest.  This is her child and to see him hurt like this just tears her up inside.  Depression has spread through this house like an angry beast, unleashing its furry on anyone it can.  I know it is only by the grace of God that we have made it this far.  Our God is a good God and there have been many times that our children have questioned why these things continue to happen.  All we can do is to remind them that He is our heavenly father and He loves us very much, but he has given us the ability of free choice.  He loves us and does not want to see us hurt but we have to want to change things.  The thing is in this case we are asking a 12 yr old bi-polar child to stand up and take control of something he does not understand.  There are adults that can’t understand what is going on inside his head, how can we expect him to figure it out.

It’s so hard. Please pray!

Saved by the blood,

Donovan

CT reading, NOT!

There were so many things that happen today and yet so many things that did not. Life these days is like a rollercoaster that everyone is screaming to get off only 5 seconds after the wild ride begins. If you know anything about what has been happening lately you know my ticker is not ticking quite right and today was supposed to be the day of the “big news” from the cardiologist. Well, after sitting in the little room, you know that one were it seems like an eternity. The one where you get up and look at all the little diagrams on the wall, you know the ones that try to show you how your heart works and no matter how hard you try you just can’t figure out how the darn thing works. That little room where you want to start going through the drawers and play with all the “doctor” stuff, I didn’t do that this time. The room where I took the little plastic heart apart and was even more confused than I was after looking at the rather scary poster on the wall. Sorry, where was I? Oh yes, I was waiting for the doctor to tell me when they were going to need to go in and rip my chest open and cut my heart apart and overhaul it and then give me a cool little zipper so everyone can see that someone went in and played with my inards. Well, that was not the case. Instead he came in and said everything was normal! Yes you heard me correct, he said everything was normal. That was according to the report from my CT. He then however followed that up with, “They must have read it wrong because we know you have Marfan from the echo.” So, he is going to go and talk with the radiologist that read the CT and take a look at it himself and do the needed measurements himself. So, what does this mean? It means I get to go back on Monday and find out the real results. So, we will find out more next week.

Now for the house. We have not signed papers yet and we must be out of this house on Monday. Did I mention that is the same day I get to find out about how “good” my heart is doing? There seems to be a new thing every couple hours with this house. If it is not one thing it seems to be another. Just when we think everything is taken care of and we are waiting for the phone call that says, “Please come sign the papers for your house,” yet another thing comes up. Why must everything be so difficult? I could go on and on and I have so many different thoughts running through my head. I just don’t understand why things must be so difficult. I do believe that everything happens for a reason and the Lord has a plan, I just wish he would provide more insight at time. But we must put our faith in Him and know that He is God.

Saved by the blood,
Donovan

The house, the syndrome…

It has again been longer than I would like between posts but we have had a little going on here.  We are working on buying a house and things have just not gone the way we would like.  We are getting the house, so that is the most important thing, but we were hoping to move in tomorrow (I am writing this on Friday not sure when it will post) and that is not going to happen.  We are still waiting on papers that we can’t control and we have given it to God and we realize that there is nothing we can do to speed things up.  In a way it’s good we are not moving tomorrow but in more ways it is not so great.  We will not have my brother’s help, or any of his football buddies (they leave for football camp on Sunday) and we are not sure when we will be moving and we have to be out of this house by the 3^rd.  Soooo… We give it to the Lord and know he will provide.

On top of the house issue I am waiting to hear the results of my CT.  How is the aorta?  Do we need to replace it in 6 months?  A year?  How about 5 years?  The thought of being cut open and pulled apart just does not sound fun to me and I really am not looking forward to the whole thing.  But here again, God is in control and there is really nothing I can do about it.  I can take care of myself the best I can and listen to what the doctors have to say, but that’s about it.  There is no benefit to stressing over the situation.  It is what it is and we will take it day by day.

I see the doc on Tuesday to find out the CT results and I am going to take that time to ask how he knows it is Marfan syndrome.  After doing a bit of reading I am not sure if that is what I have or if it’s another related disorder.  In the long run it really doesn’t matter, my aorta is dilated and that is all there is to it.  But I must say that it would be nice to have a name for the thing that is changing your life rather dramatically.  Having a name for the pain seems to help one cope just a little bit better.  This was not necessarily the case after my five trips to the ER in the beginning of the year, but that was a bit different, at least for me it was.  I am sure for my family it was a big relief to have a name for what was rendering me motionless.  For me it made no difference, I was still losing control over my own body and the name meant nothing to me at the time.  It took weeks before I could even pronounce it for cryin’ out loud.  At least with this syndrome I have some time to process the information and maybe even have a thing or two that I can do to slow its progression of the heart dilation.

Well, that’s all for tonight.  Check back mid to late next week for an update on both the house and CT results.  Until then, God bless and keep the prayers comin’…

Saved by the blood,

Donovan