Wow! Really has been awhile since I have had the energy to sit down and write something.  I have sat down many times with the intention of writing a post and just could not find the strength to type it out.  The strength I speak of is not a physical one, but mental.  First let me say that health wise I am doing okay.  The aorta is not as bad as we first thought which means that for now my chest will remain in one piece and no artificial parts will be added to my insides.  I have another echocardiogram in a little more than a week and a stress test a couple days after that.  The cardiologist wants to be there for each test to ensure everything is done correctly.  These tests will be used as a baseline for future tests, so all the more reason for accurate results.  I am still taking it easy for the most part anyway.

We are still trying to get settled in the new house.  While this is the house I plan to live in until I no longer need one, I would like it if I did not have to do it out of boxes.  But as I said in the beginning of this post, the energy is just not there.  We have been having issues again with our 12 yr old bi-polar son and it is draining everyone in the house, including the other two children.  Last week he spent a few days at the only behavior health center here in Phoenix for his age.  In the three weeks of school he has been in class maybe 5 days total.  I must say that the school has been a great help and done as much as they can do, but it is hard on everyone involved.  We are all at the point that we simply want to throw our hands up and say, “I’m done!”  But this is a 12 yr old child, how can one do that.  But then you stop and think about the verbal and mental onslaught each and every day and some days multiple times a day.  It isn’t fair for anyone involved, including him. 

My loving wife is taking it the hardest.  This is her child and to see him hurt like this just tears her up inside.  Depression has spread through this house like an angry beast, unleashing its furry on anyone it can.  I know it is only by the grace of God that we have made it this far.  Our God is a good God and there have been many times that our children have questioned why these things continue to happen.  All we can do is to remind them that He is our heavenly father and He loves us very much, but he has given us the ability of free choice.  He loves us and does not want to see us hurt but we have to want to change things.  The thing is in this case we are asking a 12 yr old bi-polar child to stand up and take control of something he does not understand.  There are adults that can’t understand what is going on inside his head, how can we expect him to figure it out.

It’s so hard. Please pray!

Saved by the blood,



3 thoughts on “Struggle

  1. Hello!

    I just came across your blog in trying to find articles about the effects of the flu vaccine and Guillain-Barre to send out to my friends. My father died 10 years ago from complications from Guillain-Barre and so when I read your blog it touched me and I could understand some of your struggles. I just wanted to let you know that me and my family’s prayers are with you and keep the faith. Many times during my dad’s illness and death I questioned my own faith and I can’t say it was ever easy, but you can come out the other side in one piece and happy. 🙂 My heart goes out to your family and I will keep yall in my prayers!


    1. Thank you Rachel. I am sooo sorry to hear about your dad. GBS is no fun and it has a lasting effect on all that come in contact with it. I will keep you and your family in my prayers and remember, God is good, all the time God is good!

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