One year ago I was living a week that I call hell. From Dec 26, 2008 to Jan 2, 2009 my body was doing things that no one could explain, at least no one I could find. If you have read any of my blog you have had a taste of what I was living. Day by day, minute by minute I was losing control of my body. I still have a hard time remembering many of the details of that week and following month. I can remember taking several hot baths because that was the only thing we could find that would relieve the pain I was feeling. The only problem was that each time it got harder and harder to get out of the tub. I spent one night sleeping on the floor because while I was trying to get to the bathroom I feel and couldn’t move enough to get up, I had my wife bring me a pillow and blanket to the spot I was at and that is where we slept. Finally after the fifth visit to the ER I was diagnosed with Guillain-Barré Syndrome, and it took me over a week to learn how to say it correctly.
I am sure I could go on and on about the things I have gone through in this last year, but I don’t have that kind of attention span. Instead I will say, “Read the other posts in my blog to gain an understanding to the things I have dealt with the last 12 months”. What I will do is try to explain how I feel now. My body is doing things that are hard to put into words. My mornings are hard and have seem to gotten more difficult the last couple weeks. I wake up and find it hard to get out of bed. If I take my Ambien I sleep great but drag backside really bad until about 10 a.m. or later, and if I don’t take it I have very odd dreams and sleep horribly. When I get up and start moving around my chest feels weird, it kind of feels like I am out of breath, or have labored breathing, it is very hard to explain, finding the right words is so hard. Once I get up and finally moving things begin to improve and by the afternoon I am feeling “normal”. At night I feel like I hit a brick wall and out of the blue I have to head to bed. It’s not like that every night, but the nights that it’s not are far and few between.
I have been doing as much as I possibly can, I don’t want the two syndromes I have (GBS and Marfan) to control my life. I realize that because of them I have limitations, but I don’t want them to dominate my life. I could very easily give in, lie down, surrender. However I know that the second I do it will all be over. Once you give in it’s so much harder to get back up. I have a family, kids that want/need attention, a wonderful wife that needs her husband. I can’t just give in; I can’t surrender to the illness.
I know that the Lord has a plan for me, don’t know exactly what it is, but there is a plan. I have gifts that I want to use to further His kingdom; I just need to find the physical strength to use them. I have no idea how many people’s lives I have affected and in the end it really doesn’t matter what the number is, it just matters that I have lived for Him and done His will. I try. I am by no means perfect and will never claim to be, but I do my best to get as close as possible. It’s like running a race you know you will never win, no matter how hard you try.
God is good, all the time, God is good!
Saved by the blood,