Quick Two Year Update

Well I really wanted to have this done several days (weeks by the time I actually finished this) ago but that just didn’t happen. December 26th was my two year anniversary with my start with GBS. If you have ready anything else on my blog you will know what kind of life I have had since the onset on GBS. The weather in Arizona this time of year is no fun for me. It has been cold (by AZ standards) and wet (at times), and that makes for real painful knees and well overall legs and hands.  Thankfully the last week or so has warmed up a bit, but I can still feel it in the joints.  Overall things are not bad and I am thankful for the amount I have recovered in two years. I read many stories where people are still unable to walk years after their GBS onset. At this time two years ago I was still learning to walk again and was doing so a few weeks into recovery. The weight of my own body was still too much for my legs to handle in the beginning. Not to mention that the signals my brain was putting out were still unable to make it through my entire body because the nerves were still healing and at six foot plus that healing process took a while. The process was both frustrating and painful. When GBS strikes, your brain still works, the mind is still moving a million miles a second at times and you can do nothing but lay there. So frustrating!

Again I am so thankful for the amount I have recovered. I am up and moving like a “normal” person, whatever that is. But this can be a frustrating thing as well. See I look like I have no issues but my body is limited. I tire easily and I do have limitations, but these are not all visible to the average person. For example I was working with the one to three year olds at our church on Sunday mornings and I love doing so. However, I would go home and spend two to five hours on the couch because my body hurt from trying to keep up with those little guys.  My loving wife finally said no more.  She knew I loved working with kids but she hated seeing me hurt so much.  I am now working with the infants which I enjoy just as much, if not more.  But I felt like I had to explain to those I worked with as to why I was no longer able to help with the walkers. I’m sure I didn’t have to but that’s just the type of person that I am. I don’t want someone to think I’m not doing something because I am lazy or just don’t want to. I’m not looking for sympathy I just don’t want someone to think less of me because I don’t do something that seems like a basic, simple task.  I am a rather young person that should be able to do anything, but when  I have to lift something heavy I have to find someone else to do it because of my heart issues.  Do they judge me?  Don’t know but I sure feel like they are thinking, “Why can’t he do it?  He looks fine to me.”  It is so frustrating.  But this is my new normal…

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